Feminist Suggests I’m a Child Abuser. Are You?

No, I didn’t make my first substantial blog post in about two weeks to put up adorable pictures of my kid on Thanksgiving because I got a load of those, don’t worry. I came back from my blog-neglect hiatus to address some issues in this world that are just beyond my control. Issues that show there are truly disturbed people that think they know it all about everything they know nothing about. I have encountered one so idiotic that an unmarried (assuming) and childless (God willing) woman is spewing off on the dangers of co-sleeping. Wait, there’s more! She goes on to diagnose bed-sharing as abuse for unwilling children! If only my breastfed baby could only say, “Mother, I hate sleeping next to you and my father. I am afraid you will get sexually excited therefore you must call CPS once we are up in the morning.” Here is her attempt for advocating for my child because he “digs” bed-sharing:

Co-Sleeping as a Form of Child Abuse

November 16, 2011
I want to warn everybody that this is a sensitive topic for me. So I kindly ask people not to be jerks in their comments. If you have a burning need to share the story of how you sleep in the same bed with your child and that child totally digs it, I ask you to take this story elsewhere. Here, it will bring you no applause.

Every form of emotional abuse of children comes out of the parental incapacity to see children as separate human beings. There is nothing more dangerous to a child’s psyche than a parent who sees that child as an extension of him or herself. Parents often invade the personal space of their children in ways they would have never allowed themselves to employ in respect to other adults. Putting children to sleep in the same bed with themselves is one of the most egregious invasions of a child’s personal space that a parent can come up with.

Children start exploring their bodies and masturbating early in life. Obviously, it cannot be very healthy for a person’s developing sexuality to experience his or her first instances of sexual arousal in the same bed with the parents.

At the same time, adults normally have erotic dreams. (Whether you remember them or not is, of course, completely immaterial.) It is also hardly a good thing for a child to wake up and observe a parent who is orgasming in his or her sleep.

One of the greatest challenges on the road to a healthy sexuality for both men and women is to learn to select partners exclusively on the basis of their own sexual desire. Parents who drag children into bed with them exercise their authority over the children in order to service their own tactile needs. Later on in life, such children have absolutely no idea how to reject unwanted tactile contacts.

There is a mile-long list of justifications parents who practice the so-called co-sleeping have come up with to excuse their invasion of the personal space of their miserable children. I read such lists a couple of times and they made my hair stand on end. There are people who seriously say that sleeping with children is acceptable because it allows them to save on heating. Truly, the hypocrisy of child abusers knows no bounds.

The only real reason why adults drag children into bed with them is because they are incapable of developing a relationship with another adult(s) to satisfy their tactile needs. To put it bluntly, they can’t persuade anybody to touch them as much as they need and to share personal space with them, so they use the only people who cannot refuse them, their unfortunate children. And if those children then have to spend the rest of their lives trying to deal with the emotional and sexual problems they develop as a result, who cares?

I know that this post will make many people very angry. But as long as there is a tiniest chance that I might persuade at least one person to get out of his or her child’s bed, I have to use it.

If you thought that was idiotic, please continue on to the Best of Idiotic Feminist Comments shared here. Obviously she thinks every natural basic need is just plain damaging. How, I wonder, did babies survive and thrive in the time before bottles and cribs?

She's also a psychological expert on breastfeeding weaning!

Breastfeeding makes me a total perv.

Being the intimacy expert that she is, she may need some tips and pointers from a Mama who gets laid. We bed-share and we have an active sex life. How lame is she for only doing it in bed and insinuating that parents use co-sleeping as a crutch for no sexy time? Again, disturbed.

No sexy time for Mama and Dada!

I was raised Buddhist and was taught that talking ill of other people is very, very bad. I hope my grandmother understands that I just can’t let this idiot go unseen. I can redeem myself with that she will be in my thoughts to live and let live. I didn’t want to link her post because I do not want to give her the pleasure of gleaming at her computer with hits on such uninformed writing. If you feel the need to read all 234 comments, I will gladly lead you in that direction.

Do you see any valid point she is making? Do you know of messed-up children who were breastfed and co-slept? If so, could it be possible that there were other environmental factors to be “messed-up”?


19 thoughts on “Feminist Suggests I’m a Child Abuser. Are You?

  1. I think she needs a complimentary “Cosleepers Do It In The Kitchen” bumper sticker. I hate “experts” that provide false information that could be harmful such as breastfeeding past 6 months has no benefit. I’d like to see that study! Too bad it doesn’t exist. There are too many idiots in the world so if she doesn’t procreate, I wouldn’t be sad.

    • I’d totally rock that bumper sticker. It’ll coordinate with my “Yes, I Am STILL Breastfeeding” car decal. She’s not an expert in anything, I’m aware, but a professor from what I gathered from her treasured regular readers. Yikes. I hope she’s not instructing anything in the human services field! God forbid.

  2. I didn’t understand the part where the mother breastfeeds to satisfy her own needs. Cuz I never knew getting chewed up nipples was satisfying. Or the cracked, sore and aching boobs that spray milk everywhere just by thinking about feeding the baby when it cries. But if that’s her point, then yes, I agree that those women are doing it for purely selfish reasons. 😉

    • I should mention that I love the fact that my nips no longer belong to me but to a very needy 8 1/2-month-old, who shows no sign of stopping anytime soon. Also, the pain from those two adorable front teeth that came in? Oh-so-satisfying!

  3. And *if* what she says in this article is true, then I’m about to abuse the hell outta my kid for the next couple years. I’ll start saving for my bail fund for when CPS comes and hauls me off.

  4. I am going to join the war and come down on both sides. I taught parent education cases for the child welfare people in NY state. The law is not only can’t you sleep with your child, but if you let two children sleep in the same bed, you can also be charged with child abuse. Stupid up to a point and a major over-regulation and “awfulizing” of something normal and natural.

    I raised my kids forty years ago and the Freudians had made bed sharing sinful. However, number one son figured out how to sneak into our bed without our knowing it. We would wake up in the morning and there he would be. I finally decided that if I were small, woke up in the middle of the night lonely and afraid, I’d want to be next cuddled up next to my parents for the remainder of the night.

    Where I think it could be damaging is when it is forced or when too much is made of it. Over reacting to a kids being in a parent’s bed communicates bodily warmth, feeling safe and cosy are wrong.

    Kids don’t attach good or bad to sexual acts. St Paul and men interested in owning women’s bodies did that. Children react to what hurts or what feels good or what loved ones to react with horror. Skilled pedophiles know that. One of the saddest situations I dealt with was a boy who out-grew his perverted but skilled lover’s desire for him. The boy only wanted the lover back and became suicidal.when abandoned. Society made it all the worse. I am not advocating grownups have sex with children, be very clear about that. I am talking about what it means to children.

    Anyway, it was my experience that neither encouraged or discouraged, my son decided at about age five he wanted to sleep only in his own bed.

    For some parents it can interfere with love making, and some women use it that way, better to address the issue of not wanting sex. We were able to continue satisfying sex lives when son wasn’t in out bed.

    Moreover, in many cultures when the whole family sleeps in one room, children witness parental sex and that need not be damaging and can be affirming of the pleasures that can be found in the body.

    Stay strong out there it is a confusing world if you are a parent.

    • Thank you for commenting. I appreciate your experiences and especially your fair views on this hot topic. I will say that parental sex is a cultural thing – it was for me and I was born and raised in America so yes, I’ve seen my parents have sex. We were a family of six living sharing a farm house with another family. I know how that goes and our society is so ass backwards. Sex is sinful because society suppresses the innate desire to procreate.

  5. I don’t know hey, this woman is a little cookoos!! Since we do all of the things she says are considered abuse then someone better call child welfare 🙂 people like this are what cause mommy’s to be to not breastfeed and/or co sleep because they look @ one side of the story. Why does she not mention the good?

    • She doesn’t mention the side of anything other than her own because she IS crazy! Seriously, how disturbed is this woman to always relate every tangible topic to being sexual? So odd, so very odd.

  6. This is disgusting. I bet if you had Holden kid feed them cardboard our of a bottle (formula) and not bond with them and let them cry it out until they are do traumatized and convinced their little feelings don’t matter because mommy is selfish an cruel. Yikes for them.

    • Aren’t you glad she isn’t procreating? I’m grateful that she isn’t spreading her seed to unwilling and traumatized (read: “self-secure and adjusted”) children, who bed share and are breastfed. I’ve realized that this age is booming with attachment parenting so in 20 years, it’ll be interesting to see how they all turn out. Sexually frustrated adults mad at their AP parents or secure, thriving individuals who are loving? Can’t wait! He’s already “independent” and very loving even with complete strangers. So, this feminist doesn’t know jack shit.

  7. I see absolutely no valid point to be made by such an ignorant argument! Coming from a past where abuse was a part of my childhood, even the halfhearted suggestion that I would be imposing the same pain on my children is enraging.

    I am a firm believer in attachment parenting. I breastfeed. I co-sleep. Do I feel the tiniest bit of irritation when I try to move two inches from my son and he scootches right up next to me in the middle of the night? Sometimes. But he certainly “digs it” and loves being close to me, and his love makes me enjoy the proximity of him. I am certainly not maintaining that closeness to satisfy my own needs!

    The blogger’s comments on the whole situation show her true ignorance. I hope people like her refrain from procreating- I can’t stand to think what a cold, un-nurturing environment a person like that would create for their child.

    • Not that parents who don’t practice attachment parenting have less-adjusted children or anything but I totally agree with what you’re saying! The saddest thing about her post was all the comments AGREEING with her and NONE of them had children!

  8. Loation Mama thank you so much for your comment over at my post on GMoMs today! : )

    I couldn’t help but crack up at the end when someone posted the comment on that lady’s blog that “It leaves no room to schedule sex” OMG LOL. Do people really do that? We have co-slept for years and so have rarely actually had sex in a bed. Other rooms in the house, the shower, the back of the van with the moon light low, the occasional field or forest? Sure, but I can’t say we scheduled any of those… LOL

    A part of me is also sad for this lady. To consider physical contact to either be unwanted or sexual with no other available possibilities in her mind tells me she has had some disturbing moments in her life. For that reason I can not bring myself to criticize her, pity her yes, but not criticize. Also I would like to say I don’t feel like you were really criticizing her either, just sharing something you found almost impossible to believe someone would think or say. More amazement than negativity.
    May this day bring your home peace. ~ Sasha

    • You’re right, Sasha. I think she does have her own justified reasons for feeling the way she does. I do hope maybe she has a chance to have a different opinion if she were to ever have the chance.

      Thank you for the comment! I love your post!

  9. Pingback: Co-Sleeping Saves Lives | The Laotian Commotion

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