Sh*t Mainstream People Say About Epidurals


main·stream/ˈmānˌstrēm/
Noun:
The ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

From pregnancy activities to interest of homeschooling, all my choices in motherhood are due in large part to because everyone is, well, not doing it. In addition to creepily rubbing my pregnant womb, strangers and especially well-meaning friends would offer their advice – generally unwanted, of course. “Normal” has evolved into ignoring the biological and instinctual cues as parents for the sake of conforming or convenience.

Here’s my experience with shit mainstream people say about…

Epidurals

As we were stuffing Gym Hottie’s head guts back in his skull, we had a team of an ER doctor, a medical resident, a nurse, and medical assistant at the same hospital we delivered I eye-blood-vessel-popping-pushed out Humnoy 13 months ago. Gym Hottie was getting discharged while the medical assistant was patching up GH:

GH: “This pain medicine is really good.”

Me: “Hehe, I wouldn’t know. *snark, snark*”

GH: “She had a natural birth here.”

Assistant: “What? Why? Why would you want to if you don’t have to?”

It’s like eating fast food every day for dinner because it’s readily available despite the obesity epidemic or undergoing triple bypass surgery with its side effects rather than exercise and better meal planning. Ok, I’m guilty of one of those every now and again but my point is that I didn’t choose to not to do something; I chose the normal way or a least what should be a normal way to birth. The terms unmedicated insinuates that medicated births are the norm especially with the epidural rates as they are that is fairly accurate. I ignored the epidural because I can and know how to.

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So what if you, your wife, or your mom’s dog’s aesthetician’s neighbor tried to “go natural” or chose right off the bat to use medication during labor and delivery. As long as you, your wife, or your mom’s dog’s aesthetician’s neighbor made an informed decision to do so and don’t judge me for my choices, I don’t hate. I did what many choose not to do and I may (or may not) have wanted too so badly just because you said I couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t. Don’t test me, Mainstream Society. Just don’t.

Assistant: “Why?”

Me: “Why not?”

What other shit mainstream people said about epidurals to you?


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6 thoughts on “Sh*t Mainstream People Say About Epidurals

  1. Good job! I went au naturale as well with both! With my first the nurses just assumed I was getting an epidural. “So you’re getting the epidural.” it wasn’t a question. I still told her no! Pushing drugs on me! Psht

  2. Great post! My favorites are:

    “You know, they have epidurals for the pain you’ll feel” – way to imply that a) I am an absolute moron, and b) that I am winging this whole delivery thing.

    “Oh you’ll have the first naturally, but you’ll get one with the second” – wrong again! Any subsequent deliveries will be natural. Also, delivery gets easier after the first since the body “knows” what it is doing. First one went quick, second one will probably be even quicker! Suck on that, mofos.

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