Gym Hottie and I are, first and foremost, adults who just happen to share a child. Adults need some adult time but who’s to say that date night is completely necessary in any family but especially an attachment parenting family? You’d think breastfeeding on demand, bed-sharing, and even (gasp!) co-showering is constricting on me. I’ll be the first to admit, yes, it is but we manage!
Here are reasons why Gym Hottie and I do not have scheduled date nights:
We don’t like having babysitters, if we don’t have to
Babysitters aren’t cheap, free, or easy if you don’t have immediate family. Now that we live in Seattle, I have plenty of family here offering to watch Humnoy but we’re not hurriedly scheduling an outing without him. For us, being away from Humnoy is when it’s absolutely no-kids-allowed, business-trip, cross-country, emergency-room-surgery type of getaway. Plus, I really don’t want to pump milk if I don’t have to.
We find plenty of opportunities to be adults, with and without each other
Gym Hottie is an avid bicyclist; I have been ballroom dancing since 2009. These are activities that we both understand are important for each other. We both get plenty of opportunities, so no room for whining or resentment, to do each of these because we are adults with our own interests. Who says it has to be together? Oh, and sexy time? Yep, plenty of it.
My marriage is strong enough
… to where I don’t think it would crumble because we can’t leave Humnoy for an activity without him. Dare I say that sharing a child is quite possibly the main reason I like GH as much as I do? (Hi, babe!) The quirky stuff that happens on a date happens in between cooking dinner, when Humnoy naps, or in texts. I have faith in our individual personalities that we can entertain each other enough without having to schedule it outside of our family life.
We like doing stuff with Humnoy
If I can’t take my kid into a bar, maybe that’s a good enough reason I don’t really want to be in a bar or any unimportant kid-free activity. I doubt that we’re the only parents who actually like their kid(s). If we’re going to check out a new restaurant, I want Humnoy sitting right next to us attacking the table with his silverware. If we’re going to check out a movie/show/band, I want Humnoy to be able to be there too. What can I say, our kid is pretty cool to hang with!
While this works for my family, I am so glad to hear that date nights are so helpful for other families! Even if it’s once a week, once a month, or just on your anniversary, it’s nice to remember that you’re adults too. Even if it’s not frequent, don’t beat yourself up when people recommend date nights for marriage quality and just remember your child is only a child once and you will have plenty of opportunities to “date,” but sharing your world with a young child does not come by as frequent. What’s important is to realize what is most meaningful for you and your partner.