Trying Not to Compare Baby #2 to Advanced Baby #1


August 13th was a good day, for once. I kindly received some great energy from the pregnant gods yesterday morning and rolled out of bed at 8:30 am. That’s right – before 9:00! I open my phone and what pops up in my inbox? An email filled with how-‘far’-along-I-am-yet-so-close bull. I am 15 weeks this week and another milestone is Humnoy’s 17th month earth side.

I won’t go into detail of what he’s doing or not doing because what he’s not doing is be potty-trained. That’s all you need to know. I’m trying extra hard not to punch a wall when I step in a puddle of warm urine discreetly upon brown carpet or when he pees next, near, far from his potty chair. Being a mama to an otherwise advanced child is different because all these milestones reminders are untimely.

For example, according to BabyCenter, 17-month-olds “may be able to climb up stairs, turn around and sit at the top, then scoot her way back down. Some more cautious toddlers may climb the stairs but call for help to get back down.” Did they just use the word, “cautious” with Humnoy? To my newest readers, this is the same child who popped out of the birth canal with uncanny yet perfect head control. The same neonate that rolled over stomach to back shy of being a month old and yes, you guessed it, walked early.

So, how will Bebe #2 compare? We talk about it all the time. GH jokes that if it’s a girl, she will be the opposite (calm, zen baby) of her big brother yet if it’s another boy, we’re in for another round of Humnoy (literally non-stop mobile since he’s been mobile). What if he’s not? How can we embrace a child’s individual talent and personal abilities without comparing it to our own previous experience with a physical genius?

As of now, the only difference between Humnoy and his little sibling we have been able to compare on paper is the difference of the fetal heartbeat. Humnoy’s was always high; this little lemon’s was normal (i.e., much lower than Humnoy’s first one). Maybe that already says something. ๐Ÿ™‚

Oh, he can say some cool words like his new favorite word for ball is “bow” and basketball is “bow-bow“. Other than that, he’s not potty-trained.

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Got any pointers for a desperate mama to potty-train a 17-month-old?

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20 thoughts on “Trying Not to Compare Baby #2 to Advanced Baby #1

  1. My husband was very advanced as a child, and didn’t potty-train until 3 years old. My mother-in-law tried EVERYTHING and finally got tired of beating her head against a wall. She figured he’d do it when he was ready, and sure enough he did…and potty trained himself in 1 day! She laughs and tells me she wishes she would have just not worried about it so much.

    I guess I wonder why rush it (beyond the annoying diaper factor)? Could you look at it like weaning and figure he’ll be ready when he’s ready?

    • You’re so right. I don’t rush anything else with him but I’m super anxious with having two babies in diapers. I want to focus on elimination communication with Bebe #2 and I guess I assume I won’t have the energy or time if Humnoy is still in diapers.

      Again, you are so right. It really goes against my style rushing him to do anything he is not ready for! Thank you for reminding me ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Be encouraged mama! There are SO many things that can happen between here and when your Little #2 shows up. Maybe Humnoy will be ready in 6 or 7 months? Maybe he will notice you doing elimination communication and be excited to show Little #2 how to do it by doing it himself. Or maybe you will be tired but will adjust to a new normal. ๐Ÿ™‚ I wonder, too, if he’s picking up on your internal anxiety about it? My MIL says that’s what happened with her, that once she figured “well, I guess he could go to kindergarten in diapers, he’ll figure it out eventually” he did.

      • He picks up on my moods very well. It also goes to show how when a care provider wants something that the child is clearly not ready for then it makes for a stressed out parent. Not a good combo.

        I’m following your MIL’s lead ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I was going to type out what my experience has been with 2 kidlets, but I think I’ll just second everything that monk-monk wrote (and I had same sage advice from my own MIL). My 1st toilet-trained herself when she was ready, on her own terms!

  2. I am trying to focus on training Chase too. He’s 27 months now and was telling me when he needed to go potty and even was signing it but it’s just not happening. I even will jump up in the middle of planning and do a potty dance and run to the potty and show him that I go when I need to go, that helped for a bit too but he still is in diapers. I am thankful that they are cloth, otherwise I’d be broke. I have even purchase “big boy” underwear for Chase and he loves them but always pees in them. Now we are trying a new book “Big Boys Wear Undies” by Katie Katz and he really likes it and says “no more diapers!” “undies!” but still wants to wear…yup…his diapers! grrr!!!! Soon I will try the 3 day method….hopefully that will work, I am just hoping he’ll be training before baby comes too!

  3. When I was teaching Preschool it was not uncommon for the super bright and quick 2-3 year olds to take longer to potty train. I’m sure there is some sort of research out there about it. But I saw it often. Similar to your situation I had parents who were very “crunchy” and upon speaking to a fellow teacher who had baby sat for their children (3 and 1/2) they sort of just peed and pooed every where. Their philosophy being that the kids, with practice will figure it out. I imagine that takes a lot of patience!

    Regarding the birth of babe #2 I’m very curious to see how it all pans out. I know from reading your blog over the last year and 1/2 how devoted you are to Humnoy so it shall be interesting to see how he reacts when you have a new bundle to adore ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. Give him time to potty train. It is soooo hard to not get frustrated because when baby number two comes you know for a fact you don’t want 2 in diapers! I had my second when my son was 2 years almost 4 months. He was potty trained when she was born but it was a lot of work and staying home for days on end because public pottying is way harder!! He will get there! ๐Ÿ™‚ Oh and potty chair in the living room or any room that you happen to be in most makes a huge difference!

    As far as comparing the two. Good luck NOT doing that! I compare in lots of ways and my two are very different. Busy body going non stop and then my mild tempered girl who actaully sits still! It is so hard not to.

    • You’re right, Jenelle! I know it’s going to be hard but it’s going to be much harder by stressing about it well before he’s remotely ready!

      As far as comparing two kids, it’s going to be hard! Humnoy is in a league of his own!

      • I had a really hard time not comparing. Jayden was soooo advanced in everything he did. So when Aubrey came along I kept saying well Jayden did that at such and such age and so on. The Dr. finally said ” there is nothing wrong with her she is smart and right on track, Jayden was just very advanced. You need to stop worrying.” That really helped hearing that from her!! Now she is my indepent little smartie pants right along with her brother. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Oh, that’s great to hear! I will really try not to be a Stage Mom then! ๐Ÿ˜‰

        I’m so glad you took the time to read my post today, it means a lot to me! I kinda sorta miss Facebook….. just don’t tell anybody! If you’re on Twitter, let me know so we can keep in touch that way!

  5. I am not on twitter. I think I might get in trouble with my husband if I had that and facebook. haha I missed you on face book and came to stalk you here. ๐Ÿ™‚ It is nice to keep in touch this way. And gives me something to do on my down time and work! Congrats on the new baby too!!

  6. Pingback: Comparing (Your) Children To Each Other | The Laotian Commotion

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