My Biggest Pregnancy Fear Isn’t Childbirth

Gym Hottie always makes wide-eyes at my expanding bump and when I complain about a pain (“Babe, are you sure you’re [however far along the calendar notes],” he’ll ask). He questions because I’m a lot bigger than last pregnancy (“Second babies show bigger/sooner,” says everyone) and my previous measurements have already played this joke on me once. It got to make its second, yet directly proportionate, joke during the monthly prenatal visit. My vitals were perfect, heartbeat was strong, and I’m still measuring three weeks ahead. Wait. What?

The measurements combined with my internal nag doesn’t calm my nerves any less. Why am I the only one freaking out? The midwives laughed it off and assured me that my measurements are just that. Upon assessing it again, I realized I’m the only one freaking out because I’m afraid.

It’s not because of labor or my planned homebirth. That noise is easy. I’m afraid I’m not ready. I’m afraid I’m not going to have enough time with Humnoy. Three weeks is a significant amount of preparation meaning my mom-to-one freedom is slowly depleting and coming quicker than anticipated. I’m a nervous wreck because time isn’t on my side, three weeks or not. My ultimate fear of losing it while parenting is more plausible and my insecurities as a future mother of two will be realized. That’s why I’m seriously buggin’.



What is your biggest fear in pregnancy other than childbirth?

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21 thoughts on “My Biggest Pregnancy Fear Isn’t Childbirth

  1. I am not pregnant with my second child…yet… But I can relate to your fears. My 1st pregnancy I spent 12 weeks on bedrest due to pre-term labor. I am scared that it may occur again. Then how would that affect my precious DS?? I also fear making my son feel loved and not left out if we have a second. The dynamic of our family will no doubt change, but I realize that there is definitely enough love in my heart for more kidlets.

  2. Maybe you just have a big baby in there. I always measured on my dates, but an ultrasound at 35 weeks said 38 weeks… cause it was a big ol’ baby 🙂

    I was afraid of having gestational diabetes (because I have big babies) but I didn’t!

  3. Same as you, for sure. Oh and I just watched Baby A’s birth for the first time.

    “I pushed that out of what? Unmediated!”

    It was not as I rembered it. You are going to be a great mommy. Attachment parenting is really on your side here. Babywear the newbie and you can still be the fun, adventurous mom you are now. It’ll just make you seem that much more awesome (to the other moms watching and stalking your blog/Instagram).

  4. I’m so worried about how another child is going to affect Malachi! He still nurses a few times a day and gets rocked to sleep for his nap and bedtime, and is very much a ‘mama’s boy.’ I’m not looking forward to the jealousy that might poop up, or the whining when he doesn’t get his way, or the hurt he might feel when I can’t give him all my attention. And I know it’s a silly thing to worry about, especially at his age it won’t take long for him to forget there was ever a time we didn’t have a baby around, but I can’t help feeling bad for him.

    • I feel the same way. All of it! Everything you just said!

      Humnoy is independent but still very much engrossed with being with me and having me near and there at all times. I just started going back to my dancing class and it broke my heart – I was only gone for an hour! I’m never away so the guilt eats away at me as we near birth time.

      But, we take it one day at a time because that’s all we can do with what we’ve got. I’m sure you’ll find it hard yet rewarding too when the time comes for Malachi to have a sibling. 🙂

  5. I can only imagine the fears. I’m freaking out and this is my first. Having two .. not sure I could survive it. However, I am sure you will be able to handle it!

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  8. I was curious if you ever thought of chanjging the page layoujt of your blog?

    Itss very well written; I love what youve ggot too say.

    But maybe you could a little more in the way oof content so people coyld connect with it better.
    Youve got an awful lot off text for only having one or two pictures.

    Maybe you cpuld space it out better?

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