What Is There To Talk About During Date Night?


First rule of Date Night is you do not talk about the kid(s). Second rule of Date Night is you do not talk about kid(s). I established these rules because I wanted to make the most out of the rare adult time with Gym Hottie. I wanted to get into a deep conversation and reconnect with the man I married. (HA!) No, I just wanted to see if we could possibly perform in society outside of being Humnoy’s parents.

In our family, we have gone out a total of three outings without Humnoy, including tonight’s. I’m not worried or deprived because I have made my reasons known why we don’t do date nights. We were out in a bar on a Saturday night. What did we talk about on a night out with my hometown friends?

Party life 8 years ago Being back in my hometown for the holidays means meeting up with good friends. These good friends were acquired at the ripe old age of 18, when I decided to take time away from school and discover my strengths and weaknesses party hardy. Now, we are all graduated and married off and the party girl who proudly touted never wanting kids or marriage is in her third trimester of a second pregnancy planning a homebirth. Who am I?

New babies Speaking of pregnancy, another friend-couple are expecting their first child! They are the only other couple I know from our party heyday group to be (pending) parents. Of course, I tried really hard to keep the conversation on track outside of pregnancy and baby talk but it’s so fun talking about pregnancy and babies. I refrained from birth, breastfeeding, and sleeping talk so that’s huge for me.

Future babies I joked I could be pregnant for the rest of my life because I love making, feeding, and raising babies. I would love four, five little mini-us running around. It’s true but unfortunately Gym Hottie wants a second income. Boo, right? We also discovered our newlywed-couple friends are also “not not-trying (for a baby)” and that was again too exciting to not have baby talk!

Cosleeping The amazing fantasy of eventually owning a king-sized bed popped up in my head on our way home. Snarky GH noted he’d eventually like the kids to sleep on their own beds. I shot back that babies need to be close to their mothers and I’m not carrying a child inside my body for 10 months to then insist s/he get used to sleeping away from me for the rest of their life. There’s a time for everything. He however agreed that having Humnoy in bed with us is a nice setup because of all the perks of seeing his sweet sleeping face.

Bet on Humnoy’s sleep status I said Humnoy would still be up and GH thought Grandma would have an easy ol’ time getting him down. We ran through strategic logic and reasons why he was(n’t) asleep by midnight. Coming to a house with dimmed lights and bedroom doors shut, we thought we were in the clear although GH secretly wished he was up. Within 15 minutes of stepping foot into the quiet house, I am already nursing a never-was-asleep 20-month-old to a quick daze by 1:00 am.

Date night was great because we got to see old friends, hear good news, and get a little break although we otherwise would be completely satisfied with being at home with our kid of whom we did discuss way too much of. Date night pressure and its rules be damned, a parent’s job is never done. Even if you leave and try to focus on your life outside of parenthood, it’s near impossible to realize your identity of self-preservation away from being someone’s mama. We tried, we did but now that being the sole caregivers to another person on this earth is our biggest role right now, it’s a big deal. It’s who I am, who I want to be, and who I always was meant to be. I’ve always broken the rules, now just isn’t any different.

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What are your rules for date night? What do you and your partner discuss?

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19 thoughts on “What Is There To Talk About During Date Night?

  1. We’ve been together 14 years and are raising awesome kids (10 and 8). We talk about the kids. Or feminism. Or his work day. Or my work day. Or unschooling. Or the latest B-movie I watched. Any subject!

    When my kids were wee and still breastfeeding etc. I couldn’t get them off my mind for long. & why not? What’s wrong with that? In my case, nothing. I didn’t mind thinking about them all the time, but I felt cultural pressure to be “more than” just a mom or whatever. But looking back I think when they were little my preoccupation was a natural thing or a normal thing, because having small children is a lot to get used to, and they need a lot of care. My preoccupation was not proof I couldn’t function besides being a mom. That’s kind of a reductive phrase anyway, that whole “just a mom” stuff.

    I’m glad you had a fun date night!

    • Phew, I’m so relieved I’m not the only one who doesn’t feel like a failure because I feel like I don’t need to “date” my husband. For me, personally, I find it more fulfilling to be gone by myself for an hour at my dance studio once a week than the hassle to be out with my husband.

  2. Our baby is 3 months and we’ve left her alone for a ‘date 3 hours’ with my mom once. We talked about what she would be like as a child, what it’s going to be like when we (fucking finally) have our own place and then we talked about her some more. We also revisited old arguments (hurray) and even started some new ones (double hurray). Suffice it to say, we’re still so stuck with pent up stress that it all (mostly politely) boiled over and we really got no where.
    Sorry to be such a downer here.. This is a pretty sad response and I wish I could say we cuddled by the fire while the sun set over the ocean but alas, we mostly just let our snark get the best of us.
    Ugh 😦

  3. My baby is six months old and I’ve never really been apart from her because she has really really bad seperation anxiety. I wouldn’t mind having a night alone with my husband but I’m pretty much obsessed with my baby. I hope this phase will pass for both of us.

    • No need to rush into it being your baby is still so little. I think if I were to go out that early, I’d be more stressed out about pumping milk. Our first date night was 11 months and still felt too soon. Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be home with your baby!

  4. My life is my kids and my work. So other than my kids and my work I have nothing left to talk about really. I try not to bring up the kids but that is just way too hard! So we just talk about whatever comes to mind and try to enjoy our quiet alone time. It doesn’t happen too often. πŸ™‚

    • I totally get that! I try to find other things like movies, tv, or the news but I really don’t do neither of those! Ya know, being a mom and all HAHA! It’s just more fun to talk about the kid(s) in a different setting other than *in front* of the kid(s), I guess. πŸ™‚

      • Yes exactly. It doesn’t really matter what you talk about. It is all about being able to talk with eachother and getting a full sentence in without interuption!

  5. This post is great! When I read your rules, I thought, “Pshaw!” I think it’s good to try to focus some of your attention away from the kids on date nights, but they are such a big part of your life that I think it’s okay to talk about them, too. Besides, our kids are both my husband’s and my favorite topic!

    As for date nights in general, Jeff and I tend to date ourselves or our friends. We do spend a lot of time together, even alone when the kids are asleep, and finding a babysitter is a huge hassle. So, if there’s a movie or a play I want to see, I usually just go by myself. And vice versa.

    Just wait ’til all your friends have kids. One of my favorite things in the world is big family parties. We all go to someone’s house, set up the karaoke, and party all night, kids and all! Fun times.

    ~DaniΓ©l

  6. Love that you have rules for date night! When we go out we’re just happy to be out, but since it’s so often eating or drinking we’re trying to do activities like we used to do pre-kids. In the summer it was paddleboarding or biking and hopefully we’ll get to go skiing together (without kids!) this year.

  7. Pingback: Even Shitty Wives Get Love Poems | The Laotian Commotion

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