Not Your Average Pregnancy Update Blog Post

NYAPU: Not Your Average Pregnancy Update I’m not here to tell you the size of my unborn child because even I don’t care if I have a petrified bean or a stumpy turnip taking my uterus hostage. I don’t plan on sharing the number of stretch marks (zero so far) or what I’m craving (food– I crave food). This is going to be the pregnancy update you never wanted to know yet will appreciate the impending honesty. Plus, don’t you want to know how horribly fat I’ve gotten?

At least my hurr looks guud.

At least my hurr looks guud.

How far along? 31 weeks, 3 days. That means if I make it to Humnoy’s birth day, it will be exactly 10 more weeks.

Measuring? … one week ahead. Remember how I measured three weeks ahead both here and here? Relieved yet also a bit mortified to realize I was just having a fat day at the last few prenatal appointments. Whatever. At least I shrunk.

Weight? From here on out, I will compare my weight against Gym Hottie so I am currently 15 pounds away from matching my 6’0″ husband. The man can wear my maternity jeans.

Mood? Top three moods lately have been: 1) Tired, 2) Cranky, and 3) Very tired. Must be that pesky nesting stage bringing that surge of hormones.

Midwife said? 1) Bébé is head-down; 2) taking some Tylenol is okay for SPD, if I wanted; 3) I should definitely arrange for postpartum help, especially with a toddler.

I’m now most concerned with number three because holy shit, she’s right. I had my mama come for Humnoy’s arrival from the hospital and I would have starved, stank to high heaven, and would have given up on breastfeeding if it weren’t for her help. I can’t afford a postpartum doula and we cannot afford for GH to miss work.

Braxton Hicks? Is it pathetic that I had to ask for a description of BH because I honestly didn’t remember what those felt like? Well, after the student midwife reminded me, I reported I had those about 2-3 times a day. It also reminded me that they’re a bitch. I have to find awkward positions to disposition my lower half out of it to get comfortable. Sometimes they leave me out of breath.

Breastfeeding? When my milk came back a few weeks ago, breastfeeding Humnoy has been… interesting. I’m touched out because he’s now a twiddler. He will just nonchalantly lay there and when I’m not blocking my chest, he’ll reach for any spare tit he finds. I offer to nurse but then even that makes me squicked out. I feel horribly bad for feeling that way but I blame that nesting phenomenon.

Vagina? Yes, in working order. Still suffering from symphysis pubis dysfunction but still getting laid. That’s all that matters, right?

How did you share your pregnancy updates with others?

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18 thoughts on “Not Your Average Pregnancy Update Blog Post

  1. You look beautiful. But your expression, you also look like you could cut a bitch.

    I’m glad things are going well. I love you take these pictures. You truly are stunning and you’ll enjoy seeing them later… so will your children!

  2. I just peed a little and my husband told me to “shhhhh or I’ll wake the baby.”

    “but still getting laid…” Good for you! And GH.

    But really do enjoy the last few weeks with Humnoy as a solo Bebe. And as for help, things fall into place, it’ll work out somehow- it has to!


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