I wracked my brain and finally remembered but my retort was too late to take back. I told Gym Hottie that I “don’t listen to you anyway” when he confronted my wispy memory for his overnight bike trip planned this weekend with a buddy. I was half-joking because I really don’t listen to most of anything anyway. You try to form an idea of what to make dinner when you have a hungry infant and a toddler hanging off your leg channelling his favorite curious monkey character. I also realized my half-joke wasn’t that off-base because I’m kinda a shitty wife.
I generally do not like to air our dirty laundry but this isn’t a call for marriage counseling. I actually am addressing some of my own personal issues as a life partner and, in turn, a mama. You know me: peaceful parent to my beautiful and angelic, perfect little children. The only truth to that is that my kids are beautiful, no around that, duh. My mantra is I will try to always do right by my kids. I only have one shot at this. I’ve been bestowed the hardest task in the world to raise other humans and I follow their leads, which is what peaceful parenting means to me. I have so much trouble cultivating half of this energy toward my partnership with GH.
I’m mean. I’m crass. I have strategically attacked known weaknesses. I pent up my feelings waiting for a mind-reading. I have perfected the short, snarky replies and the colder-than-cold shoulder. I can’t pinpoint the reason why I am gentle and loving toward our kids but can’t spare any of it to my husband. I was extra sweet in the following days of his near-death experience but it took just one look at the toothbrush sitting in front of the toothbrush holder to make my heart go back to cold. “The toothbrush holder is right there!”
I love my husband. I love how he is the best father to our kids. I love how hard he works for me to stay home in these early days with our littles. He’s not a shitty husband to me, maybe a shitty roommate though. It takes a lot more time and clarity to be more peaceful with him. If I can be a peaceful mama to two little kids then I can with a grown ass man, who is amazing in so many ways by dealing with his shitty wife.
What is the most annoying thing about your partner? What is the best thing?
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