When Gym Hottie has to periodically remind me of finding my own recreation time or material possession, I’m dumbfounded. My life has been all about boobs, playgrounds, and regulatin’ a home for the past two years that I’m blindsided by a simple opportunity to be myself again. Not to mention the immense guilt I feel by planning such luxuries for myself. My problem with making “me time” happen is because I have no idea what I would even do or want.
I can’t help but give him an incredulous “WTF am I supposed to do?” as a reply. GH suggested I get back to the ballroom studio. With one child, it was much easier to step away for a weekly practice or a weekend dance once he reached an age where I didn’t have him on perma-boob. I have had to start over the cycle with this brand new boobie baby. An hour a week practicing on the dance floor while GH is nearby with both kids since Lanoy is still boob hoarding sounds manageable. He kept throwing ideas out for inspiration. A date with him, a pedicure, a hair cut? I stopped listening once he ventured into the territory of how I seem to be so unkempt. I admit there are “things” I want all the time but it is always something for the kids, never for myself. I always want something that will make my life easier. Useful ideas are pizza for dinner one night, an evening where I don’t have to do playground duty, or a water sling to be able to take the kids swimming on my own.
I know how important it is to be a good mother is to be a happy mother. Sometimes happy mothers like to drink wine, get a weekly manicure, or just lock themselves in the car to get some quiet time away from their wife- and mom-identity to regroup then all is well. The “wants” in my life right now relate to how to make my kids happier and healthier so, in turn, make me happier and healthier. My biggest problem is finding something other than kid-related and something truly just for my own selfish reasons. Even if it’s budgeted in just right, the guilt I feel for frivolity makes “me time” undesirable. I also know I will have the rest of my adult life to be me or at least until Lanoy lays off the boobs 24/7. Right now, I am seriously comfortable being a frazzled, tired and happy and healthy mama to happy and healthy kids, who get me when they need me because they won’t forever.
What do you do for mama “me time?”?
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