Co-Sleeping With The Enemy: 6 Reasons Why I Don’t Sleep With My Husband

No one ever tells you the saddest memory about an apartment home birth. Just nine months after Lanoy was born in our first apartment home as a family of four, we left lots of memories behind when we moved out of our first home into another apartment with more space and cool perks. This new place is ground floor beneath what seems to be a family of elephants but we get a little back yard that Humnoy loves to explore after breakfast and more space that we thought we desperately needed but have not filled yet.

The most impressive perk was the extra bedroom, where Gym Hottie inhabits. Co-sleeping has been a constant struggle for our family. It affected my marriage but (calm down) not in the sex department. We have enough sex to where I’m constantly paranoid about a baby #3 but that’s not why sharing a bed has been a problem. I am finally glad to not have to share a room with my husband anymore.

Gas Hottie I tell everyone the story about how I was this close to breaking up with GH because I couldn’t stomach his farts. A kinda escape-while-I-could rationale. As you can then imagine, my divorce-happy fires up during pregnancy as my Spidey senses amplifies it and rage.

Play Bed Maybe their sense of smell hasn’t kicked in but they get very hyper when he’s in the room. They adore their daddy so you can imagine the horrific ordeal it is when I’m trying to nurse a mobile Lanoy and trick a ready-to-wrestle Humnoy bedtime is fun. Mama’s no fun because when it comes to her, er, everyone’s sleep.

The Dorm We have dubbed GH’s room the “Dorm Room” because it’s got enough boy stink to be eligible for financial aid. Unlike his farts, this space and time apart makes my shitty wife heart grow fonder. I must say it has been exciting to accept an invitation to “watch movies” and then sneak back across the hall.

Sleepover Humnoy has some history with scary co-sleeping issues like when he wakes up screaming and runs to GH’s room. It is nice to have the option to give him a choice of Mom or Dad. Per good taste, Hum chooses me out of habit, out of favoritism. Whichever.

Deep Sleep Once the last pair of little eyeballs are shut, I get to have my (uninterrupted) “me” time. I’m obsessed with twitter and Instagram so I get to dim my phone to stalk browse those apps for the next 19 hours without GH whining about my snort-laughing in bed. He can get ready for work in the morning without interrupting my children’s gift of sleeping in when they choose to.

Space-Saver Even with the side car crib, space on our bed was limited. Humnoy wants to sleep here, there, between, on top of somebody usually so we were constantly dodging drop kicks and round-house sweeps. Now that the largest person out of the bunch has since been removed, I mean we appreciate all this room.

Dass me.

How is your partner involved in co-sleeping arrangements?

You can find me tweeting my hatred for pants on twitter, filtering the shit outta mom lyfe on Instagram, pinning food I’ll never make on Pinterest, and being a SEO creep on Google+. Check out our family Youtube channel.

21 thoughts on “Co-Sleeping With The Enemy: 6 Reasons Why I Don’t Sleep With My Husband

  1. For my entire existence, I do not remember my parents ever sleeping in the same room. When times were hard, this meant that my mom slept with me in the living room, my dad in the master, and my brother in the spare. She is a light sleeper and he snores. That’s the reason she always gave, but I figured out on my own that my mom is super ultra conservative and pretty much monastic. Oh, and we are Lao so…I always wondered if it was a cultural thing.

  2. Boof sleeps on the couch until 1-2 am when Potamus is firmly asleep and then comes in. He enjoys it because he gets to fall asleep watching TV. I enjoy it because I get a dark room and a bed more to myself with Potamus scooched as far over as he’ll let me put him once he passes out. So basically I get three more inches of space, which feels heavenly.

  3. Mike stopped sleeping with us a month-or-so ago. There’s no room for me to flip Meese from boob to boob at night without having to flip him back over when he finally let’s go. I looove being able to lay in the middle of the bed so there’s enough room to snooze while I nurse. And mike loves getting to sleep through the night before he gets up at 4 to drive an hour to work. It’s glorious.

    • I love that other families don’t sleep together all the time too. That’s a good point: GH is an early riser no matter the schedule and it pisses me off when I hear him get ready. If I can hear him, these kids can and wake up. *stab stab stab*


      • I always found it kind of bizarre that (because of my only childom) I’ve never had to share a bed with anyone until I was an adult. I remember being dirt poor when I was about 4 and living in a one bedroom “apartment” with no front door. I shared a room with my parents, but my dad had an old cot from the army that I slept on. Then I got married and all of a sudden I’ve got someone up my butt all the time. It’s especially strange since he’s always gone. I’ve never really gotten used to sleeping next to a whole, grown person. But Meese is always welcome.

  4. We children shared bedrooms either with our parents or with my gramma and aunt. When we moved back to Vientiane from California (age 13) I was promised my own room. But had to share with my baby sister until I was 24. I had my own room for a year as she moved back to the states. Then I got married, had a baby and we co sleep all over again! With the occasion of not sleeping in the same room if hubby or I have a cold and want a good night sleep.

  5. This is SO weird. My husband and I JUST were talking about how “do we really need to share a room?” I mean, who says that because you’re married you have to share a room?!

    We have a crib in our room that Q sleeps in *most nights* but when she doesn’t, we have a twin bed set up in her room that one of us evacuates to. But he works nights, I work days which means he has to hear me get readty in the morning. Ahhh. I’d LOVE my own room/space.

  6. My hubby works nights, so we rarely sleep together. If he has a short night and gets home super early, he crashes on the couch, gets up with the big kids and gets them off to school so I can sleep in. (typing this I realize I’m lucky and he needs a wifely reward…) Sometimes he complains about cosleeping and wanting to get a bed for Ziggy, but reality is, on his nights off, he loves to snuggle with the toddler.

  7. It’s so nice to hear other people who are like me! My man has worked nights our entire relationship so we’ve almost never shared a bed. He works from home, but sleeps in his office more often than in my room. He complains about the baby in bed with me only when he wants to *ahem* use the bed…the last baby was conceived on the couch since DS2 was still in my bed! Whenever I’d talk about our arrangement with any of my friends, they couldn’t believe baby slept with me so long and DH never did.

So, what do you think?

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