Little Miss Laotian Royalty

I’d like everyone to meet Prin– no, Queen Lanoy.

Laotian royalty

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Small Town Girl Probs: You Know Nothing About Breakup Etiquette, Jon Snow

How to not break up in a small town by @LaotianComotion
If I do not count my current husband, I have only had two ex-boyfriends with the official label. Like, boyfriend-girlfriend, Facebook-status official, and only three times have I been somewhat committed in such a relationship. Are exes and daters (I hate the word ‘lover’) mutually exclusive? In addition, these other ones were added to the body count but never a status-changer. No, I will not share my number. No, you do not get to make assumptions about me. No, you are not better than me because your body count is one and your husband is a lousy lay. This is just a little story about a small-town girl living in a prudey world and about the likelihood of running into an ex is more likely than anybody leaving the safe comforts of home.

I like to call my hometown Podunk-Bourg(eoisie), where it’s not small enough to have that old-timey flair nor is it large enough to be metro or cool at all. It’s a place where people think they are hotter shit than they really are is what I’m trying to say. A particular ex loved to always remind me for my sake, “Can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” A hometown full of exes, daters, flings, or whatever they’re called and I avoid visiting it like the STD pool the tri-town area that it is. Seriously, what do we call these people? Whatever you call them, I could not get away from them anytime I visited my folks. You especially don’t want to run into them after an awkward split-up: Shitty Wife was a Shitty Girlfriend too. No more awkward than Jon Snow’s reaction in Season 4, Episode 9 with Ygritte. You know you fucked up, right, Jon Snuh.

You know nothing about break-up etiquette, Jon Snow @LaotianComotion

My last official breakup with an Official Boyfriend was so unfriendly because GH became the man he is to me now. I left OB while we were trying to patch things up yet Gym Hottie did get his moniker for no reason at all. Get this: they have the same name and that just blew OB’s gasket and it was an unfriendly departure. Breakup meaning it was a lot of drunk calls to apologize and those apologies were never heard. One drunk run-in at a hometown bar and two years later, he somehow found out I was married and sent me a congratulatory text message and I was shocked. Why reach out now, you bastard? Why bring your petty small mind back into my life as I was 8 months pregnant? It took a good three years later to forget how awful a person that was. How a small baby  was the answer to change all of it. A now mundane, quiet life finally let me forget all about how shitty a partner I “was” when I look at my family, my husband, and my two kids. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a crazy ass ex-girlfriend and will stalk your ass on social media. Can’t turn a stalker into a housewife maybe.

What is proper break-up etiquette anyway?

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When You Miss A Breastfeeding Session or Two

I did what any breastfeeding mom going back to work would do: get an expensive breast pump with full intention of using that expensive breast pump. When Lanoy was 10 months old, I went to my first day back in a classroom. I asked the original teacher if there was a place I could pump during the planning and/or lunch to which she, of course, noted the nearby germ playground kindergarten bathroom or the classroom with the door locked. Few hours pass and before I know it, I am picking up crayon wrappers after the kids have left for home. I did not pump at all that day and my body hated me for it.

I got home, popped that girl on a tit, and pumped out the other side as she nursed and I got about enough milk for the village. This is my breasts’ way of getting really angry with me for messing up the flow of things. My body was all, ‘Bitch, where were you for your noon feeding? Oh, you were leading an art lesson? Okay” and decided to open the milk flood gates to rebuke career duties. The awful part was when an elementary schooler’s big head would bump into my chest for the side-hugs-only contact and I felt like I was going to fill the classroom with letdown and fore milk. Lest us not forget lunch; my boobs went go-go-gadget when it’s being nourished. I can feel my boobs swell up a notch with each bite of food next to ancient teachers, who probably did not understand my face of breast discomfort. Not a lot of teachers pumped that I knew of.

I then made the decision to not pump for my toddler. After a while, my body adjusted and my breasts weren’t so painful if I nursed Lanoy right before I walk out the door. They weren’t ‘so painful’ where I couldn’t not work so I kept trucking on. This went on for six months while I was teaching part-time this school year. It would totally be different if I was in a classroom full-time and eight hours a day. On a few occasions, I run a bit late to nurse my sleep-through-the-night toddler before leaving, come home after a full day, and the first thing thing I say to GH after he asks about my day is:

breastfeeding boobs on fire

*For some tips for pumping, go see How To Get More Milk With A Hand Pump

When do your boobs get on fiyah?

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Rihanna and Breastfeeding Memes: Why You’re A Shamed Shamer And It’s Not Okay

rihanna breast feeding meme

rihanna breastfeeding instagram

Both are okay actually so…

The entire world is completely messed up from Rihanna, y’all. The 26-year-old singer stepped out in her bangin’ bod at the CFDA Fashion Awards, whatever TF that is, for the appropriately categorized 2014 Fashion Icon Award. Welp, she earned it. If you do not call under a rock your permanent and/or temporary address then you have seen the infamous dress: a sheer gown with a purported 230,000 Swarovski crystals and little to nothing else. People were l o u d about this dress such as the usual can’t-deal-with-hos men and even women, who were really offended by Rihanna’s bare-all some-things-but-not-really attitude.

One group of women especially did not like how Rihanna dared to show her breasts when they cannot show theirs. Breastfeeding advocates have been pretty meme-happy since this incident à la #moi and it’s the classic case of Shamed Shamers, where a group of oppressed women shame another because one group (Rihanna) is not shamed enough therefore one group (breastfeeder) feels falsely shamed. Making memes like the ones included above only feed the cycle of why you need to make such images in the first place. These type of “breastfeeding” memes are repeating the puritanical system that tell breastfeeding mothers when, how, what to breastfeed just like how non-lactating women’s bodies are told when, how, or what to dress their body.

It is important to understand that Rihanna received much more criticism than ‘fashion icon’ praise unlike like these memes suggest. Actually, I have yet to read a comment really “okay” with Rihanna’s dress at all. With a simple Google news search, you’ll see the headline word choices contain ‘naked,’ ‘bares all,’ or ‘too much skin.’ By asking “why [are Rihanna’s boobs] okay,” it is promoting the very body policing that breastfeeding is too aware of and contradictory of the cause for normalizing breastfeeding. All boobs, all okay.

We should not be shaming Rihanna, who also got banned from Instagram like so many breastfeeding IG moms for the same exact thing: boobs, lactating or otherwise. We should shame the internalized patriarchal thought that makes us think we need to shame her to get our point across. We should shame the images that say she can’t be a fashion icon and be a woman with breasts. We should shame those who invite you to sit in the bathroom to feed your hungry kid. We should shame the predators, who sexualize women’s breasts to latched- or non-latched children. We should shame the people who shame Rihanna because they are most likely the same people against breastfeeding. When you shame Rihanna’s body next to yours, you shame the advocacy you misappropriate through images and thoughts like those.

*For some real-time insight into the world of Twitter’s thoughts on shaming breastfeeding and/or Rihanna, check it out here.

rihanna vs breastfeeding in public shaming

'LEAVE RIHANNA ALONEEE'

‘LEAVE RIHANNA ALONEEE’

Are these memes promoting or hurting the cause for normalizing breastfeeding? What about the cause for body positivity?

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Happy Thanksgiving From A Younger Me

I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering, “Man, Theek sure knows how to dish out these Internet memes! However does she do it?” Well, loyal listener, it turns out I have been dabbling in the world of image macro before Instagram, twitter, and Facebook. I discovered a long lost gem from my since-deleted MySpace archive.

I thought I was so clever. So creative. So cool with my Microsoft Paint. For the resources and lack of creative confidence at that time, I must say it’s alright for what it is. I think I finally deleted my account in 2008-09 after a good few years being friends with ‘Tom.’ Thankfully, I was wise enough to save a few MySpace photos.

I have been handy with Microsoft Paint for years!
An embarrassing yet awesome meme circa 2007

Did you have a MySpace?