Back in my mingling days, I’d always wish I meet the man of the semester through Craigslist’s missed connection ads. Like, he’d describe how my dark hair was glowing in the university courtyard or how he saw me slow-motion laughing while volunteering at the park with kindergartners. Shit like that happens but never to me. I creeped Missed Conmections times I can count on one hand just to see how everyone else was loving from afar then went ahead and decided to marry the guy that knocked me up. A married mom can still look from afar, no?
So, I met a man. I was in the backseat of the car the whole time though. This man and I didn’t say much to each other either. I was also with my two kids and that man was adjacent to our parking spot and he, so I think, couldn’t see me see him. He was so good-looking, I had to take a picture of him.
I already had phone camera in hand as many moms stuck in the backseat with kids do. So, to make it less creepy I made sure that any and all witnesses knew I was back there with kids and not just some unbathed lady talking to empty buckets. I made over-expressive faces and jerked my head to give the baby kisses in her car seat all the while side-holding my open camera and snapping a pic. See what I “did” there? The looks of it was me obviously front-facing myself loving on my child, who really does exist, if anyone was to ever question why my phone was pointed toward the windshield.
There are always good-looking guys I see when I’m out haggard with the kids. Just this last grocery trip, there was a Ralph Lauren-esque model in expensive mall jeans at Safeway. He was gorgeous and here I am with my defunct ponytail that started high but ended sloppy and low because elastic is the devil. Then there was the gym guy, who was warming up on the treadmill and the mirrors told me my cotton top leaked boob milk from the baby’s feed in the gym nursery. The universe then throws in the irreverent drive-by and notice the hottie next car over only when I’m squinting through my glasses sliding down my greasy nose too. Again, haggard.
Why am I checking out guys? Why do we do anything that brightens up our day? Hot men brighten up my day. My husband is hot but he’s my husband and beside the point. I try not to melt into a pile of oogly eyes since I’m usually all eyes on the speedy toddler through slip-slidey eyeglasses.