main·stream/ˈmānˌstrēm/
Noun:
The ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.
From pregnancy activities to interest of homeschooling, all my choices in motherhood are due in large part to because everyone is, well, not doing it. In addition to creepily rubbing my pregnant womb, strangers and especially well-meaning friends would offer their advice – generally unwanted, of course. “Normal” has evolved into ignoring the biological and instinctual cues as parents for the sake of conforming or convenience.
Here is my experience with shit mainstream people say about…
When You’re In a Serious Relationship
Okay, it’s not parenting related but I wanted to start the series at a time in my life with shit mainstream people said to me before I was even married or pregnant. I was in a serious, serious relationship with someone else before meeting Husband. Mind you, I was proudly child-free and education-minded, women’s rights and all that noise and hated the idea of marriage and especially kids. He was conservative (I know, right?) in the ways of gender roles and personal identity. His idea of starting a life together was for me to drop out of college and start my mainstream adventure of mini-vans and mom jeans. We were together on and off for about 3 years but I heard plenty from his friends, my friends, and just mainstream people in general.
“When are you guys gonna get married so you can have kids?!”
Oh yeah! Let me me get on that for you! I mean, you’re right – what in the hell am I doing by doing you, your dog, and the world a disservice by leaving this ripe uterus unoccupied? Oh, and I know he had betta out a ring on it before planting his golden seed too, right? White gold bands on left hand triggers your optimal fertility, dontchaknow.
Are you saying that unwed mothers are doomed and that the next cow over will demand a dowry before giving away milk rather than the harlot that you are giving it away for free? I never understood that life’s events had to happen in a certain order or the universe will explode. Two months salary on a diamond, wearing an expensive white dress (worst color ever, by the way) only once, and then popping out mainstream kids. Most of all those generated ideas came from a single person’s ideal of how it should be and now we now have Kim Kardashian. Thanks, Society, thanks a lot.
What mainstream shit have you heard about your serious/non-serious relationship? Did you fall victim? What have you done in your relationship that falls into ‘mainstream’?
The Laotian Commotion 
A lady I work with went on a rant about what a horrible role model unwed mothers are to teenagers. In her whole rant, she somehow forgot that I am not married. Perhaps that’s because I seem, I don’t know, responsible? He idea was that unwed mothers shouldn’t be allowed to teach because what are the modeling about healthy relationships? It was one of those conversations I chalk up to “you can’t argue with stupid”
After all, all unwed mothers go to the island that is called 16 & Pregnant. She must’ve missed your season.
Stupid or not, she might have needed a glove slap around her head.
I’ve been getting a lot of, “Oh, it was a surprise baby?”
No, actually, she was very much planned and very, very much wanted. (you know my story)
Besides, it’s ignorant to think that just because a couple is serious or married, surprises don’t happen! The harsh part is, when they use they word ‘surprise’ it seems synonymous with ‘unwanted’ or something less desirable.
Whenever I mention homebirth, I always have to hear how their baby would have died if they hadn’t been in the hospital. “The cord was wrapped around her neck!” (um, yeah, that happens 60% of the time and is normal. “I needed a C-section.” (um, not really. You didn’t need a C-section, based on what you’ve told me, but it sure sounds like your doctor had a hot date and had to get that baby out quick!)
Besides, homebirth does not mean unattended birth! Trained midwives and doulas at a woman’s side is not equivalent to birthing in a forest in the middle of nowhere all by yourself. Unfortunately, homebirht still conjures up images of boilling pots of water and scrambling to find clean rags.
I’ve been getting a lot of pressure to drink while pregnant because it’s now trendy. I’m choosing an alcohol free pregnancy, and it goes against the mainstream trend.
Cloth diapers –“Those are such a pain, they leak and you have to clean them!”
Oh yeah, Shana… I plan in getting to there, don’t you worry 😉
Ours was a (surprise!) surprise baby but I wouldn’t have it any other way. We also got hitched 4 months later too but that was a very personal choice for us. I think your journey into motherhood is beautiful just as mine or any other mama’s despite how we got knocked up, right? 😀
My biggest main stream irritant was either cloth diapers or choosing not to vaccine emery. I heard over n over what a waste of money cloth would be, that we wld never stick with it. Heard how disgusting and gross it wld be… And its so so easy!! We made the choice right away to not vaccine emery and all through my pregnancy I heard about how sick she would get and how schools won’t accept her, etc. I still emails from familly warning me about whooping cough outbreaks all the time. I think it’s obnoxious that someone told us that lining up and getting injected with a virus and who knows what other harmful shit is a GOOD idea. Blah rant over
Khira, I love how crunchy you are too! I remember way back when you preached that chicken eggs are essentially eating ‘baby chicks!’ hahaha you’ve always been crunchy.
I’m glad your my baby moma 😉
Hi, Dada 🙂 Thanks for knocking me up.